Let Your Player Choose Their Path

Let Your Player Choose Their Path

Let your player choose their path. It’s the single most important decision you can make as a hockey parent. They need to own their career, their choices, and their consequences. When they do, they remove any chance of looking back with regret or blaming someone else.

I left home at 16, moving from Los Angeles to Windsor, Ontario. It was a big move. I played high school AAA, did well, and Central Scouting had me rated high for the OHL. My stepdad knew a guy with the Portland Winterhawks. I went to a camp, played a couple exhibition games, but got let go. After that, I tried to walk onto teams in Vancouver. I eventually settled in Kimberley, British Columbia, playing for a few different teams. Every single move I made, my parents let me decide.

They supported me and helped me figure out how to make those decisions work. To this day, I really appreciate them doing that. I’ve never looked back and thought there was anyone else to blame for how things ended up, only myself. That’s a powerful lesson your player needs to learn.

Yes, there were things I would’ve done differently. Absolutely. But I chose, and I live with those consequences, good or bad. That ownership means there’s no room for resentment. It’s their journey, and that makes them invested.

Your job isn't to dictate their path. It's to guide it. You want to help them make informed choices, not make the choice for them. This approach builds their critical thinking skills, independence, and resilience.

You can help them avoid bad decisions without directly telling them "no." Often, a bad situation is an obvious situation if you know what to look for. You just need to shine a light on the facts and let them draw their own conclusions.

A bad situation is almost always an obvious situation.

Look for a lack of professional alumni from a program. If no one has ever made it out, that’s a red flag. Research the coaches. Does a coach have no history? Or worse, bad history? That’s something to bring up. Consider the team's style of play. Is it completely different from your player's strengths? These are all things that can help a player decide not to make a big mistake. You’re not telling them what to do. You’re simply presenting the data.

Another vital lesson they need to learn is communication. Make sure your player is the one communicating with the coach and staff whenever possible. They need to learn how to advocate for themselves, ask questions, and build relationships. This isn't just about hockey; it's a life skill. Stepping back and letting them handle these interactions builds confidence and maturity.

I understand that sometimes financially, you cannot make it work. That’s a real constraint. But within those boundaries, empower your player. Let them weigh the pros and cons. Let them research. Let them make the call.

When they own their path, they also own their development. They become more engaged, more driven. They learn what it means to commit to a decision and see it through, regardless of the outcome. This fosters a deeper understanding of cause and effect in their own career.

The choices they make now shape who they become. Giving them control over those choices isn't just about hockey, it’s about raising a responsible, accountable young adult. They will thank you for it later. I know I still thank my parents.